Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Thursday, June 17, 2010
?Direction?
As soon as I finished the very first post...all inspiration fled. I've been trying to figure out where to go from that first post...what subject do I tackle first? This morning, I read something that threw me into an emotional tailspin. The Bible tells us the power of life and death are in the tongue and these days, an extension of the tongue can be the written word. I realize that most people don't set out to hurt others by what they say or write...but we also don't stop to think about how our words will affect those who hear or read them. Words have the power to inspire, to encourage, to strengthen, to guide and they have the power to destroy, to discourage and to lead astray.
I realized, even as I read the words, that the emotions I was experiencing, came from the enemy of my soul. I refused to allow myself to dwell on the words, but I still felt such a heaviness and a feeling of failure enveloped me. When the words would cross my mind, I would tell myself that the individual would never have said anything to hurt me or to make me feel this way, to remember where the attack was coming from...but the sadness threatened to drown me. Just as the enemy used words, carelessly chosen, to attack me, my Lord and God, used words carefully chosen to remind me that I may never see the results of my labor until I reach heaven's shores, but I am to continue to be faithful and to trust Him. These are the words that He sent to me through a precious "adopted" daughter:
I realized, even as I read the words, that the emotions I was experiencing, came from the enemy of my soul. I refused to allow myself to dwell on the words, but I still felt such a heaviness and a feeling of failure enveloped me. When the words would cross my mind, I would tell myself that the individual would never have said anything to hurt me or to make me feel this way, to remember where the attack was coming from...but the sadness threatened to drown me. Just as the enemy used words, carelessly chosen, to attack me, my Lord and God, used words carefully chosen to remind me that I may never see the results of my labor until I reach heaven's shores, but I am to continue to be faithful and to trust Him. These are the words that He sent to me through a precious "adopted" daughter:
More Than You’ll Ever Know
Watermark
Something brought you to my mind today
I thought about the funny ways you make me laugh
And yet I feel like it's okay to cry with you
Something about just being with you
When I leave I feel like I've been near God
And that's the way it ought to be...
CHORUS:
'Cause you've been more than a friend to me
You fight off my enemies
'Cause you've spoken the Truth over my life
And you'll never know what it means to me
Just to know you've been on your knees for me
Oh, you have blessed my life
More than you'll ever know, yeah, yeah, yeah
More than you'll ever know, yeah, yeah, yeah
You had faith, when I had none
You prayed God would bring me a brand new song
When I didn't think I could find the strength to sing
And all the while I'm hoping that I'll
Do the kind of praying for you that you've done for me
And that's the way it ought to be...
You have carried me
You have taken upon a burden that wasn't your own
And may the blessing return to you
A hundredfold, oh yeah...
A hundredfold, oh yeah...
The moral of this lesson, for me anyway, is to carefully choose the words that I let fly...I need to speak life rather than death to the hearer of my words. I need to encourage, strengthen, inspire and guide the hearer to truth...otherwise, I'm just wasting my breath. So...what do I do with the hurt? That is the topic that I'll have to study and post about next.
God also chose to use the song "I Am" by Mark Schultz to really minister to me throughout the day. I woke up with the words playing in my head and every time I listened to it, I just sobbed, out of thankfulness, that He is the I AM and the healer of the broken among so many other things. The song is included below this post.
Until next time...choose to speak life rather than death!
Tammi
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Life changes in the blink of an eye!
If I haven't learned that life changes in the blink of an eye enough in the past five years, I've had it reinforced in the past two minutes. I had over 500 words typed in this post and with the stroke of one key...lost it all. So...what will I do with this momentary irritation? I guess I could grumble about how Windows 7, while better than Vista, still manages to cause "grrrrrrrrrr" to come out of my mouth many times a day, or I could just get on with the whole purpose of this post...think I'll just get on with the post.
Life changes are things that happen on a daily basis. Some face more changes, more often than others. Some changes are quite drastic, others, not so much. Some changes are life altering, while others are mere interruptions. For me...the past 5 years have had some drastic changes and several of them life-altering. One moment, I was a stay-at-home wife and mom, the next, a pastor's wife being sent to pastor in a foreign country. Suddenly, my husband went from just being a pastor, to being an overseer of four states and half a country. One moment, everything was going great, the next, felt like we were about to be lynched. One moment, everyone wants to be your best friend, the next, no one is speaking to you. One moment, you have a strong support group of people that you have fought side-by-side with, the next, you find out that relationship isn't what you thought it was. This blog isn't about ranting and raving about how someone has treated me badly or the awful things that anyone has said or done. It is about life changing and throwing curves balls and how we deal with them.
So many people think that if you serve in a leadership position within the Church, then somehow, you never have any problems or struggles and if you do, you are already so holy and have all the answers, so it really isn't a struggle after all. The fact is and I've learned this the hard way...being in ministry or leadership positions doesn't mean that you have it all figured out and that you never have any problems. However, most in those positions, will never allow you to see them deal with the problems or struggles they have because they have been drilled that they are to be the example of holiness, of victorious living, so even though they are falling apart on the inside, you'll only see a smile on the outside. Are they being hypocritical? Not intentionally...for most, they are sincerely trying to be an encouragement, for others, it becomes a pride issue...never let anyone see that you aren't as perfect as they think you are.
For the past two years, I've had to deal with frustration, anger, bitterness, grieving and just about the time I think I've got it completely uprooted and dealt with, a name, a situation, a comment, or unstable hormones, triggers a new round of those old feelings. I don't want those feelings in my life. They cause my chest to tighten, my blood pressure to go up and make me depressed. So...a few days ago, as I was begging God to take them, once and for all...He impressed upon my heart to blog about what He was leading me to study and what He was going to teach me. The one question I have asked God over and again since I was five years old is, "What is my purpose on this earth?" A very big question to be asked initially by such a small child and while He hasn't exactly stuck a post-it to my forehead with the answer written on it...I get the impression that my life is to be an open book to help others find their way to healing, deliverance and most importantly, to find their way to an eternity with Him.
I realize that by leaving this blog totally public, that there will be some who are just curious, some who are lookie-lou's, who are looking for something to gossip about, some who want to see what I have to say so they can judge or criticize, but there will also be those who are struggling and are hoping to find answers and some who will offer encouragement, godly advice and will be praying that this blog is a blessing to others. For those in the negative category, what you do is between you and God...His Word is your judge, not me, I'll love you anyway. For those in the positive category...thank you...I'm going to need all the prayers and encouragement I can get as I embark on this.
So...I'm inviting you to come take a journey with me as I find my way home.
Tammi
Life changes are things that happen on a daily basis. Some face more changes, more often than others. Some changes are quite drastic, others, not so much. Some changes are life altering, while others are mere interruptions. For me...the past 5 years have had some drastic changes and several of them life-altering. One moment, I was a stay-at-home wife and mom, the next, a pastor's wife being sent to pastor in a foreign country. Suddenly, my husband went from just being a pastor, to being an overseer of four states and half a country. One moment, everything was going great, the next, felt like we were about to be lynched. One moment, everyone wants to be your best friend, the next, no one is speaking to you. One moment, you have a strong support group of people that you have fought side-by-side with, the next, you find out that relationship isn't what you thought it was. This blog isn't about ranting and raving about how someone has treated me badly or the awful things that anyone has said or done. It is about life changing and throwing curves balls and how we deal with them.
So many people think that if you serve in a leadership position within the Church, then somehow, you never have any problems or struggles and if you do, you are already so holy and have all the answers, so it really isn't a struggle after all. The fact is and I've learned this the hard way...being in ministry or leadership positions doesn't mean that you have it all figured out and that you never have any problems. However, most in those positions, will never allow you to see them deal with the problems or struggles they have because they have been drilled that they are to be the example of holiness, of victorious living, so even though they are falling apart on the inside, you'll only see a smile on the outside. Are they being hypocritical? Not intentionally...for most, they are sincerely trying to be an encouragement, for others, it becomes a pride issue...never let anyone see that you aren't as perfect as they think you are.
For the past two years, I've had to deal with frustration, anger, bitterness, grieving and just about the time I think I've got it completely uprooted and dealt with, a name, a situation, a comment, or unstable hormones, triggers a new round of those old feelings. I don't want those feelings in my life. They cause my chest to tighten, my blood pressure to go up and make me depressed. So...a few days ago, as I was begging God to take them, once and for all...He impressed upon my heart to blog about what He was leading me to study and what He was going to teach me. The one question I have asked God over and again since I was five years old is, "What is my purpose on this earth?" A very big question to be asked initially by such a small child and while He hasn't exactly stuck a post-it to my forehead with the answer written on it...I get the impression that my life is to be an open book to help others find their way to healing, deliverance and most importantly, to find their way to an eternity with Him.
I realize that by leaving this blog totally public, that there will be some who are just curious, some who are lookie-lou's, who are looking for something to gossip about, some who want to see what I have to say so they can judge or criticize, but there will also be those who are struggling and are hoping to find answers and some who will offer encouragement, godly advice and will be praying that this blog is a blessing to others. For those in the negative category, what you do is between you and God...His Word is your judge, not me, I'll love you anyway. For those in the positive category...thank you...I'm going to need all the prayers and encouragement I can get as I embark on this.
So...I'm inviting you to come take a journey with me as I find my way home.
Tammi
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