Life changes in the blink of an eye!

If I haven't learned that life changes in the blink of an eye enough in the past five years, I've had it reinforced in the past two minutes.  I had over 500 words typed in this post and with the stroke of one key...lost it all.  So...what will I do with this momentary irritation?  I guess I could grumble about how Windows 7, while better than Vista, still manages to cause "grrrrrrrrrr" to come out of my mouth many times a day, or I could just get on with the whole purpose of this post...think I'll just get on with the post.

Life changes are things that happen on a daily basis.  Some face more changes, more often than others.  Some changes are quite drastic, others, not so much.  Some changes are life altering, while others are mere interruptions.  For me...the past 5 years have had some drastic changes and several of them life-altering.  One moment, I was a stay-at-home wife and mom, the next, a pastor's wife being sent to pastor in a foreign country.  Suddenly, my husband went from just being a pastor, to being an overseer of four states and half a country.  One moment, everything was going great, the next, felt like we were about to be lynched.  One moment, everyone wants to be your best friend, the next, no one is speaking to you.  One moment, you have a strong support group of people that you have fought side-by-side with, the next, you find out that relationship isn't what you thought it was.  This blog isn't about ranting and raving about how someone has treated me badly or the awful things that anyone has said or done.  It is about life changing and throwing curves balls and how we deal with them.

So many people think that if you serve in a leadership position within the Church, then somehow, you never have any problems or struggles and if you do, you are already so holy and have all the answers, so it really isn't a struggle after all.  The fact is and I've learned this the hard way...being in ministry or leadership positions doesn't mean that you have it all figured out and that you never have any problems.  However, most in those positions, will never allow you to see them deal with the problems or struggles they have because they have been drilled that they are to be the example of holiness, of victorious living, so even though they are falling apart on the inside, you'll only see a smile on the outside.  Are they being hypocritical?  Not intentionally...for most, they are sincerely trying to be an encouragement, for others, it becomes a pride issue...never let anyone see that you aren't as perfect as they think you are.

For the past two years, I've had to deal with frustration, anger, bitterness, grieving and just about the time I think I've got it completely uprooted and dealt with, a name, a situation, a comment, or unstable hormones, triggers a new round of those old feelings.  I don't want those feelings in my life.  They cause my chest to tighten, my blood pressure to go up and make me depressed.  So...a few days ago, as I was begging God to take them, once and for all...He impressed upon my heart to blog about what He was leading me to study and what He was going to teach me.  The one question I have asked God over and again since I was five years old is, "What is my purpose on this earth?"  A very big question to be asked initially by such a small child and while He hasn't exactly stuck a post-it to my forehead with the answer written on it...I get the impression that my life is to be an open book to help others find their way to healing, deliverance and most importantly, to find their way to an eternity with Him. 

I realize that by leaving this blog totally public, that there will be some who are just curious, some who are lookie-lou's, who are looking for something to gossip about, some who want to see what I have to say so they can judge or criticize, but there will also be those who are struggling and are hoping to find answers and some who will offer encouragement, godly advice and will be praying that this blog is a blessing to others.  For those in the negative category, what you do is between you and God...His Word is your judge, not me, I'll love you anyway.  For those in the positive category...thank you...I'm going to need all the prayers and encouragement I can get as I embark on this.

So...I'm inviting you to come take a journey with me as I find my way home.

Tammi